I wake up this morning and I can't decide if I am feeling any more "Christmasy" or not. It has been a struggle this year to get behind this whole "Christmas" idea. And I am not really sure why, which is more frustrating than anything because I like to have everything figured out and laid out right in front of me. I might not be able to fix it but at the very least I can usually know what is wrong with me. But not this time. So here we are on Christmas Eve and I wish I could close my eyes and jump straight to the Candlelight Service at church. And that is surprising to me as well considering how on most days I am more defiant to my God than I ever would care to admit but tonight I just want to acknowledge my saviour. If just for a bit. Quietly, humbly. To worship Him in a fashion in which He chose to come into this world.
It is days like this where I wonder if they knew what as really going on 2000 years ago. Even if Mary and Joseph really conceived what was going to happen through a life of a child. But to be honest I wonder if I really ever understand the magnitude of it all.
We have turned a celebration of his coming into a formulaic and ritualized holiday that centers around family and presents. Good for the economy but this year I am struggling to see where this fits into a Saviour that taught his followers to sell all they had. As a human race we have progressed so far and yet the days in which we are most meant to dwell on the Saviour that has come is the time in which it is so easy to lose sight of him amongst the craziness.
He could have come in splendor. He could have come in glory. He could have come as a warrior. But instead He came as a man. A simple man in a trough in a barn. Yet, a God that would take my brokenness and shame and cast it on Himself and pay my burden because He was the only one that could defeat it and rescue us all.
Worship these next two days is found in a small whisper amongst the roar of everything else.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
And when you opened your eyes you saw the advent...
My first thought today was, "you know, I bet if I ate more christmas tree little debbie cakes I bet I would be more in the Christmas mood." I love those things. Absolutely, positvely, adamantly love them. And I have eaten maybe two. Only one I can definitely remember. That is a problem.
I haven't made it a secret that I haven't really been in the mood for Christmas this year. That doesn't mean anyone has asked or anyone has even cared and they most likely probably shouldn't cause well, let's admit it, I kind of have a tendency to be a little bit of a debbie downer. (But not a "little debbie" downer as I have aforementioned... haha, I crack myself up.) The line that keeps on popping into my head is a line from Manchester Orchestra that stabs, "They call holidays an option for a reason." Nobody asked me if I wanted to have Christmas right now. I bet I will be in more of a mood for Christmas come mid March. Mid March sounds good, doesn't it? Lets do it then. We can still get together as families and tell each other how important we are to each other in all the typical love languages. But you know, I'm just not feeling it right now. Even though for all intensive purposes life is going well and everything I have wanted it to be for so long, I just don't want to sing these peppy christmas carols and sing songs about love and such. So, let's back up and just merely enjoy the abnormally cold weather this december has brought us. Right? I am right, right? I can't be alone in this. Others have to feel this way.
But it bugs me that I am not feeling "christmasy". I want to have the warm fuzzies and I want to feel all these happy things but they just aren't there. That is the point of this holiday after all. And what place does the sad and downtrodden have at Christmas except to be a burden on all the happy people around them. These are the ones that have no place at Christmas, in the land of the happy songs and perky people. In a time that is defined by it's love and it's giving what are to be made of the the people who have no love to give? Well, let them put on a mask I would say. They come in all shapes and sizes and faces and it is quite possible no one will see your mask. Everyone will love you for who you are not as your soul rips apart inside. In dire need of something, anything. These people might not serve a purpose for Christmas but Christmas definitely serves a purpose for these people. It is in this time that you don't have to stop. I successfully went nonstop for nearly two weeks before a night came where I had nowhere to go and no one to see. And that is the night it all comes crashing down on you. Distractions are nice. I love them, but they are temporary.
I have a few issues with what we would term as the evangelical church in America but this is not the blog in which I rant about that. But it is where I discuss one. This one. Where is your place for the broken? Is it on a shiny flashy tree? Is it in a manger scene on your lawn? Is it in your pride in keeping CHRIST in CHRISTmas?
You see, advent comes in many forms. Most of the time it is found on purpose. A church body making a point in remembering the waiting of an arrival of a saviour. In todays age, we jump straight to it don't we. We have completely forgot about the waiting. The pain, the agony, the despair of the people awaiting a saviour. Everything we have in church we want it now. We have even condensed salvation into a little guide where you can be instantly saved. (I remember hearing stories of people who would close their eyes to say the formulated prayer asking "Jesus into their heart" and how when they opened their eyes everything looked different. Everything had changed! It was instant, exactly how we all wanted it to be. I have prayed multiple times in my life hoping to open my eyes and see the world instantly different only to have my joy dashed as my eyes readjusted to the light around me. I was pissed.) But this is the kind of Christmas we have. Instant.
You see, their is a place for the broken at Christmas. Their is a place for the downtrodden and weary because in fact Christmas is for us. We did not choose this advent too bring us some satisfaction but rather we find ourselves in a situation in which we are once again looking for a saviour and we find that advent. We find that we are in need and we find that we are just waiting. Most often, we know who He is but somewhere along the way we lost touch. And that is ok. We all lose touch. But this holiday is for you. For the one who is need of a saviour. For someone who needs rescue. Christmas never was nor ever will be about big ass trees and annoying happy lights. It isn't even about family or giving presents. It is about a saviour who has come. You have paid your advent. You have waited. Don't you ever forget it. The wait is just important as the rescue. And now He is here to rescue.
So to end it, I guess I am in the perfect mood for Christmas. (And don't worry. Christ will be in Christmas as long as there are broken people.)
I haven't made it a secret that I haven't really been in the mood for Christmas this year. That doesn't mean anyone has asked or anyone has even cared and they most likely probably shouldn't cause well, let's admit it, I kind of have a tendency to be a little bit of a debbie downer. (But not a "little debbie" downer as I have aforementioned... haha, I crack myself up.) The line that keeps on popping into my head is a line from Manchester Orchestra that stabs, "They call holidays an option for a reason." Nobody asked me if I wanted to have Christmas right now. I bet I will be in more of a mood for Christmas come mid March. Mid March sounds good, doesn't it? Lets do it then. We can still get together as families and tell each other how important we are to each other in all the typical love languages. But you know, I'm just not feeling it right now. Even though for all intensive purposes life is going well and everything I have wanted it to be for so long, I just don't want to sing these peppy christmas carols and sing songs about love and such. So, let's back up and just merely enjoy the abnormally cold weather this december has brought us. Right? I am right, right? I can't be alone in this. Others have to feel this way.
But it bugs me that I am not feeling "christmasy". I want to have the warm fuzzies and I want to feel all these happy things but they just aren't there. That is the point of this holiday after all. And what place does the sad and downtrodden have at Christmas except to be a burden on all the happy people around them. These are the ones that have no place at Christmas, in the land of the happy songs and perky people. In a time that is defined by it's love and it's giving what are to be made of the the people who have no love to give? Well, let them put on a mask I would say. They come in all shapes and sizes and faces and it is quite possible no one will see your mask. Everyone will love you for who you are not as your soul rips apart inside. In dire need of something, anything. These people might not serve a purpose for Christmas but Christmas definitely serves a purpose for these people. It is in this time that you don't have to stop. I successfully went nonstop for nearly two weeks before a night came where I had nowhere to go and no one to see. And that is the night it all comes crashing down on you. Distractions are nice. I love them, but they are temporary.
I have a few issues with what we would term as the evangelical church in America but this is not the blog in which I rant about that. But it is where I discuss one. This one. Where is your place for the broken? Is it on a shiny flashy tree? Is it in a manger scene on your lawn? Is it in your pride in keeping CHRIST in CHRISTmas?
You see, advent comes in many forms. Most of the time it is found on purpose. A church body making a point in remembering the waiting of an arrival of a saviour. In todays age, we jump straight to it don't we. We have completely forgot about the waiting. The pain, the agony, the despair of the people awaiting a saviour. Everything we have in church we want it now. We have even condensed salvation into a little guide where you can be instantly saved. (I remember hearing stories of people who would close their eyes to say the formulated prayer asking "Jesus into their heart" and how when they opened their eyes everything looked different. Everything had changed! It was instant, exactly how we all wanted it to be. I have prayed multiple times in my life hoping to open my eyes and see the world instantly different only to have my joy dashed as my eyes readjusted to the light around me. I was pissed.) But this is the kind of Christmas we have. Instant.
You see, their is a place for the broken at Christmas. Their is a place for the downtrodden and weary because in fact Christmas is for us. We did not choose this advent too bring us some satisfaction but rather we find ourselves in a situation in which we are once again looking for a saviour and we find that advent. We find that we are in need and we find that we are just waiting. Most often, we know who He is but somewhere along the way we lost touch. And that is ok. We all lose touch. But this holiday is for you. For the one who is need of a saviour. For someone who needs rescue. Christmas never was nor ever will be about big ass trees and annoying happy lights. It isn't even about family or giving presents. It is about a saviour who has come. You have paid your advent. You have waited. Don't you ever forget it. The wait is just important as the rescue. And now He is here to rescue.
So to end it, I guess I am in the perfect mood for Christmas. (And don't worry. Christ will be in Christmas as long as there are broken people.)
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